Why did G-d make men and women so different?

First, to appreciate this post you have to be married or in a relationship......... for quite some time....... because then you already realize that as good as a human being you thought you were - with lots of love in your heart; or as well-intended you feel you have been (– haven’t you heard that the way to hell is paved with good intentions! HA! Ha!) still you need to have good relationship skills to make your relationship work!

But, why is that? Why does it need to be so difficult?!!!

It seems so easy to be misunderstood by your partner! AND just to get along, is NOT so easy for so many of us – otherwise the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high - would it!

I’m not asking about what particular skills make a marriage work? – that’s too long for this discussion – and for that I give a separate marriage workshop on that topic..... What I’m asking is:

Why the heck did The Wise-One-Above feel it necessary to make these differences in the first place...... because in the second place they seem to make life so much harder!!!?

Here are a few ideas I’ve come up with:

Work + Being Really Good + Appreciation & Gratitude = An Unrivaled Gift + Never Bored

Work

Anything we get for free or don’t have to work hard at, we don’t nearly appreciate as much as something we really had to labor hard over.

There is the concept in Torah of ‘shameful bread’ where we need to realize that if G-d gave us everything without having to work for it we would never really appreciate it or be grateful for what we have! Instead we would take it for granted and its meaningfulness would not be as great. Easy come - Easy go!....

Being a Really Good Person

We can only develop really good character traits, fulfill our potential and become a really good person when we’re challenged by someone so challenging as the opposite sex! It takes patience, caring, sharing, determination and more..... to make a real relationship work, and so we are forced to grow through marriage in a much bigger way than when we are alone. It’s pretty easy to be good in a vacuum! But real goodness only comes about when we have to accommodate to someone so different that it REQUIRES us to be really good!

Appreciation & Gratitude

One of the highest attributes we need to have as a human being is appreciation and gratitude! According to the sages, the lowest type of person is a kofuy tovah, someone who denies the good that is done for him or her.

An Unrivaled Gift

The Talmud considers men & women to be almost different species from different planets! There are many books today that point this out - like: “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.”......... Each partner in a marriage is an unparalleled gift that offers many integral wonderful things that the other doesn’t have on their own. This is true on so many levels that it takes a life-time of sharing and earnest understanding of each other to figure out.... and to appreciate and feel grateful for! [Of course, we have to have a harmonious relationship with effective communication skills first before this can really happen!]

Never Bored

If we had a mate just like us - we’d get really bored really fast! These differences keep the gift interesting, exciting and even fascinating! [Of course, we have to be determined to learn the skills needed in order to keep our partner really connected to us so we can enjoy these differences on a deeper and deeper level!]

Summation

So to sum up: We need to work hard at staying focused on our relationship in the right way in order to appreciate and feel gratitude for the greatest gift we will ever get in our lives - and when we grow and become better human beings – we’ll never be bored – but delighted, excited and joyful!

To find out how to do this in a very practical way come to a marriage workshop!

Disclaimer: This blog/article is not a substitute for therapy and does not guarantee any outcomes for therapy. Any advice given does not imply any therapeutic relationship and is taken at your own risk.